Low Man on the Totem Pole
by Skye1963
Summary: Sequel to Third Wheel. Sam's heart and mind shattered when he went through withdrawl the first time. When the door opened and the handcuffs were loosened, he stayed on the cot, waiting for orders from Dean. When Zachariah finally lures him out of Bobby's protected house, he finds himself in Ilchester with Ruby, the nurse, and Lilith. Angst/Dean/Bobby/Castiel, Hurt/Sam
1. Chapter 1

_I am slowly working my way through requests made by you. If you've made a request, please be patient, I'm getting to you, I promise! This is a sequel to Third Wheel that Daiyu Amaya requested. This story takes place after Sam goes through detox for the first time. It explores what happens if he had been broken and stayed in the Panic Room instead of running away when Castiel opened the door._

_The usual disclaimer, I don't own the toys I'm playing with. That privilege belongs to Eric Kripke._

_Reviews make me grow as a writer, please let me know what you think. Thanks!_

Low Man on the Totem Pole

Chapter One

He felt the lessening of the bonds as the handcuffs were unlocked. He heard the door creak open but there was no one there. He learned his lesson, though. No going anywhere without the express wishes or commands of his betters, of those who rank above him in the pack. Even though every cell in his body screamed to get out of that room, he stayed still on the cot, never moving a muscle. He could sense the higher ranked pack members, especially the alpha, above him. He could also sense another higher ranked member close by but that one was just an honorary pack member, not one to listen to unless the alpha backed him up. So he stayed in that room, on his back in a gesture of submission, baring his stomach and throat. Only when his alpha came to get him would he even move.

After all the torture his mind had him go through, after what not-Dean had said to him, Sam finally knew his worth in this world. It was like his sixteen year old mind-set came back with a vengeance, 10,000% stronger than what it had been before. Last time, Bobby was able to bring his humanity back along with giving him a family for the next two years. His family was only broken when he had wanted to go to Stanford and his dad threw him out. Sam had had his brother, albeit distantly but he knew that Dean had agreed with their father that Sam was turning his back on the family and being selfish. Then, when their father died, Sam felt guilty about trying to start a fight with the man. Later, his guilt turned into fear and anger after Dean told him what the last words of John had been, that if Dean couldn't save Sam, he would have to kill him. During his withdrawl, Not-Dean accused Sam of killing Mary, Jess, their father, Jim, Caleb, Joshua and him just by being alive. It was a miracle that Sam was still alive and that was due to Dean's bond with Castiel, he was told. All Sam's failures and sins ran through his mind until it shattered at the same time that his heart did. What made Sam Sam was gone and what was left was an animal intent on only surviving to the next day, the next hour, the next minute, the next second. Surviving meant submitting to the alpha and the rest of the pack who had more rank than he did, which, since he was the lowest ranking in the pack, meant everyone else.

It took a couple of hours before the other males in the pack came to check on him. The older male swore when he saw the open door but the man on the cot didn't listen to the words. It wasn't his place to comment on the words since his ranking was so low. He was only to speak or interact when told to or asked a direct question. The younger male, the alpha since the slight scent of sex was on him stronger than the older one, came over to him and asked, "What the hell did you do? How did you open these? Sam! Answer me!"

Thus asked, the male, making sure his eyes were averted, whispered, "I woke up like this. I didn't move."

"Okay then," the alpha said, not really believing the answer though it was true. "We'll leave off the handcuffs but we're locking the door again when we leave. Bobby?" the older male looked up and confirmed the male's assessment of ranking.

"Yeah?"

"We need to clean this room a bit, make it more comfortable for him," gesturing to the submitting male, "He also needs something to eat and drink. Could you get the food and water while I stay here, picking up?" The older male, Bobby, nodded. "Okay, when you get back, I'll go get the mop, sponge and a bucket of water to finish cleaning this place. Thanks, Bobby."

"No problem, boy. Just keep an eye on him. Don't know if he'll get violent or have more hallucinations. You may have to tie him down again," Bobby said wisely.

"I know," Dean responded. The younger male didn't react as they spoke above him. They weren't speaking to him so he didn't pay any attention to the words. While he waited for the alpha's attention, he thought about the alpha's reaction towards the female who had been his constant companion for a while. At first, he really didn't understand why the alpha was upset. He never betrayed the alpha by going with a female when the other male had been thought to be gone forever. Now, thinking about it, he realized he should have submitted and let the alpha take the female or drive her away, whatever was the whim at the time. Only the alpha took the females and bred with them. The younger male committed a sin by having the audacity to breed with any female. The one who had burned, Jess, and the one he killed, Madison, were prime examples of his status. Both of the females had died because of him. Now that he thought about it, Sarah probably was dead also. Maybe not, since they drove away from her, never to see her or his whelps, if any, by her. She was not a threat to the pack seniority.

The male listened as the alpha cleaned up the room, never moving since he wasn't given permission. When the alpha came over and told him to get up so the cot could be cleaned off, the male kept his head ducked as he scurried under the desk, keeping his eyes on the floor in a submissive pose. The alpha watched him (worriedly, on Dean's part) then turned back to his task. While he was finishing changing the linen on the cot, the older male came in with food and water. He put it on the desk and stepped back but the young male wasn't fooled. Alphas and higher ranking members always ate first. That was how it should be since the survival of the higher ranked members was more important that the lower ranked ones.

The alpha left the room, carrying garbage and dirty linen with him while the older male watched the submissive male. If that male had looked up, he would have seen worry and fear in the eyes of the older one. Bobby, as the alpha called him, moved back to the desk and picked the plate up that held a sandwich. He put the plate down on the floor and backed up again, waiting for the younger male to eat. Again, he wasn't fooled. He could hear the alpha coming back and smelled his scent as he came closer. The young one jammed himself tighter under the desk.

When Dean came back into the room, he noticed Bobby standing by the desk, the only other piece of furniture in the room, staring under it. Putting the broom, mop and bucket with hot, soapy water, down he walked over to the older Hunter. "Bobby?" he asked gesturing towards the desk.

"I don't know Dean. I put the sandwich on the top at first but Sam never came out for it. So I put it on the floor and he just went deeper under the damn thing. There's something wrong here," Bobby explained.

Dean gave an irritated huff. He was getting tired of Sam's theatrics. He knew his brother was sorry but this was getting to be ridiculous. "Sam, get out here and eat the damned sandwich. You're worrying Bobby." The last he said with a scowl. The younger male heard the order and slowly left his sanctuary. He was also told to eat but he knew that pack laws state the lowest pack members ate the least amount if times were flush, nothing if times were lean. Usually, lower ranked members would get like a bite or two before the higher ranked members chased them away. The male picked up half the sandwich and took a very small bite. Chewing, he put the sandwich down and moved away so the alpha could eat his fill.

"Boy, you gotta be hungrier than that," Bobby said. "Eat, son. Please."

The male just stood there with his eyes on the ground until he heard his alpha order, "Sam, eat everything on that plate then drink your water." The male went back to the plate and began to eat again, slowly and with small bites just in case the alpha changed his mind. For the next hour, the two men watched their youngest family member eat one sandwich. When he was finished, he drank the water, using small sips. Something about his actions bothered Bobby. He didn't remember where he had seen actions similar to the ones Sam was now exhibiting but they were very familiar.

Dean also watched Sam's unusual behavior. The hesitant way he picked the sandwich up made Dean very uneasy, as if he had seen something like that before then the words from a younger Sam echoed in his head, "_Family eats first. If there is anything left, then I'll eat, sir_." Dean's heart began to hitch as he remembered how his baby brother hadn't believed that he was part of the Winchester family since Dean and John had formed their own club, forgetting that Sam needed to be part of them always. It took Bobby months to put them back together as a family but all his hard work was shattered the day that Sam told them about Stanford. Sam wasn't the one to close the door in their faces, oh no. It was John who slammed that particular door on his youngest by telling him that if he left, if he walked out of that door to stay gone. He was no longer part of the family. John and Sam never did fix that tiny problem. When Sam went to Stanford, John would look in on him every so often but never went to see him. Dean had asked John about that but all his father said was that he just wanted to make sure that Sam was keeping himself safe. That was all. After John disappeared, Dean went to get Sam to help look for him but Sam was resistant at first. It all had to do with a girl, Jessica, Dean figured but never voiced. Jess had given Sam the family he had missed and craved so it was a double tragedy when she was killed.

Madison also gave Sam a taste of family but she was a newly made werewolf when they had met her and Sam had killed her after telling her what was going on. Madison tried to make it easy for him by asking for his mercy and the bullet but Dean could tell that his brother was once again devastated. When they finally found John, their father fell back on his habit of pushing Sam to the outer limits of their family but he was surprised when Sam pushed back and Dean supported his brother. John, though, didn't understand why Dean was going against the norm and kept Sam at arms' length. It wasn't until right before John had died, when he sent his youngest out of the room so he could talk to Dean that his oldest child figured out why John acted the way he did towards Sam.

John viewed Sam as Supernatural, like a werewolf or vampire, someone who didn't ask for the curse but was cursed all the same. Because Sam was his son, John still felt love towards him but just didn't want to get too close in case he had to kill the boy. He had tried to isolate Sam from both himself and Dean but that didn't really work out so he gave Dean his last orders before he died. Because of those orders, Dean also, unconsciously, tried to distance himself from the brother he loved deeply but he just couldn't, especially when Bobby was there telling him to get his ass out of his head. Then there came the whole dying to save Sam where Dean went to Hell. Ruby just glided into Dean's spot and also gave something to Sam that he craved, family. Someone who was sympathetic to his pain, someone who gave the young Hunter hope and Dean, when he got back from Hell, was too blind to see that.

Dean knew what Hell was like, what Sam would go through if he went darkside so Dean became his father to prevent that sad scenario but, like John, he too pushed Sam away. He should have been more sympathetic towards his younger brother but he had forgotten, in his fear, what it was like when Sam was dead. He had forgotten that Sam had not only endured Dean being in Hell for four months, but also the Tuesdays that the Trickster had killed Dean over and over then the Wednesday where Dean was killed and left dead for six months. All of these incidents helped to drive Sam to where he was now. The cold turkey for the Demon blood was actually just a catalyst to the breakdown, Dean saw now.

It also didn't help Sam's mental health that the Angels also viewed him as an abomination. Uriel had actually came out and told Sam that he was on thin ice and when he became a liability, then Uriel would happily smite him. This crushed Sam since he had faith in God and prayed every day. To find out that Heaven hated him, wanted him dead, was one blow too many so is it any wonder that Sam fled into the deepest parts of his mind? No, Dean's own mind answered him.

While Dean was watching his brother, Bobby finally realized where he had seen the type of behavior that Sam was showing. It was pack mentality, one based on the privileges of higher ranked animals. After he figured out what was going on in Sam's mind, Bobby then figured out that Sam viewed himself as the lowest ranked animal, something that had happened when Sam was sixteen but Bobby never really understood what was going on until now. Bobby chanced a glance at Dean and saw his foster son had also figured out what had happened. He knew that there was not going to be a quick patch job on this bleeding wound that Sam had and he really wondered how they were going to fix him this time.

SPNSPNSPNSPNSPN

Ruby paced the floor, waiting for Sam to call. If all had gone to plan, Sam was to have escaped the Salvage Yard, hotwired a car and found a motel room where he was to call her from. She would have gone to him with fake sympathy plastered on her face and, after he did some crying and begging, she would let him feed off her. Zachariah had it set up where Dean was to find them and have one big fight with his brother which would drive Sam away from Dean and into Ruby's waiting arms. From there, they would find Lilith's cook, drain her of her blood and then go to the waiting Lilith for the final seal. It all had to be done at a certain place and at a certain time which was approaching very fast. If they didn't complete the task then, they would have to wait another thousand years for the next attempt. Some of the Angels just weren't that patient anymore.

After pacing some more, Ruby came to a decision, one that could bring the wrath of Heaven down on her head. Getting out a map of Sioux Falls, she did the same locator spell that she had done to find Dean for Sam. After chanting the spell, she waited as the map burst into flames. It advanced to the location where Sam was then went out. Ruby picked up the piece of map and was confused. The map showed Singer Salvage as the place where Sam, the key to the last seal, was at. She didn't understand why Sam was still there after Zachariah had assured her that the young Winchester would be set free and would seek her out. Something had happened to throw off the schedule and Ruby was getting uneasy. Picking up a knife and a bowl, she went in search of a victim. She had a phone call to make.

The girl was homeless and looked prettier to Ruby with the new "smile" on her, the slash from ear to ear which caused her to bleed out into the bowl. Chanting over it and stirring the blood with her finger, Ruby waited until she got an answer. "Sam Winchester never left Sioux Falls," she said. "Did they catch him trying to leave?" The blood was still for a moment then it bubbled with anger. "No, huh? What happened, then? We need to prime him soon. I found Lilith's chef and got her stored for Sam's drinking pleasure but I won't be able to keep her for long." The blood seemed to simmer. "Okay, I'll wait to hear from you but remember, the time is coming that the seal needs to be broken. If we miss the timeline…" The blood splashed as if very angry. "Hey, don't yell at me. You know the timeline as well as I do. I'm going back to the motel room, let me know if there are any changes or anything I can do." The blood calmed down with just tiny ripples then it stilled. Ruby muttered to herself as she dumped the bowl, "Yeah, goodbye to you too, asshole." She turned her back on the homeless girl and left the area.

_I know you are going to point out the glaring fact that Bobby is family to Sam and Dean but you have to remember how Sam felt. At that point in his life, he was so immersed in grief for his brother that he wasn't thinking very straight. He would have forgotten about Bobby being part of his family. This was evident in the show when Bobby said that Sam had stuck around for a short while then disappeared. Grief does weird things to one's thinking processes. Sometimes it doesn't allow us to see what is in front of our noses._


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Because of Sam's fragile mental state, Dean and Bobby moved him into the bedroom the Winchesters shared whenever they stayed with the older Hunter. Bobby moved around the room, carving and recarving sigils to keep demons out. After Dean settled Sam on the bed, he kept trying to lay on the floor to Dean's distress, he went to help Bobby put up the protections. They both had a feeling that something had been averted with Sam's mental breakdown, something apocalypse big but they weren't sure and Castiel hadn't been around to let them know what was going on.

Dean was finishing salting the window while Bobby was putting final touches on a demon's trap when the sound of wings filled the air. Turning around, they saw Castiel standing next to a submissively posed Sam. The only thing he was doing differently to the Angel than he had done to Dean and Bobby was that he wasn't offering his throat and stomach. Bobby had explained to Dean about pack mentality and how lower ranked pack members greeted those of higher rank. From Sam's pose, Dean knew that Sam considered Castiel as having higher rank but not of his pack.

The Angel looked at the man and asked, "Sam?" Sam just waited until he heard his own pack members give him an order. "What's happened?" Castiel asked the other two men.

"We honestly don't know," Bobby answered. "We think that Sam retreated into his mind because of everything, including the cold turkey withdrawl. He's not himself, as you can plainly see."

Castiel turned back to the young Hunter and reached out to touch him. Even though Sam's eyes were on the floor, he seemed to know what was happening and he leaned away from the touch. Castiel frowned. The first time he met Sam Winchester, Sam was eager to shake his hands and Castiel was the one who hesitated then called him the "boy with the demon blood." Sam had flinched at that but Castiel was able to shake his hand then. As he thought about it, Castiel realized that Sam's withdrawing from everyone seemed to have stemmed from that one incident. Sam slowly stopped touching anyone, even to the point he never hugged Bobby or Dean. He avoided even shaking hands with people he interviewed, preferring to stay in the background while Dean did the talking. Sam also stopped meeting people's eyes, looking away or down at the ground.

At the time, Castiel really didn't think anything of it except that Dean had put Sam in his place but now that he thought about it, there were other signals that he hadn't even seen. The one that really started to bother the Angel, when he thought about it, was that Sam started to avoid him, even going so far as to leave the area whenever Castiel appeared. If the Angel appeared next to the door of whatever motel room the Winchesters were in, Sam would make a hasty exit into the bathroom, closing the door and staying there until Castiel left. Sam had also stopped talking to him, again something that really bothered the Angel. He, himself, wasn't much for small talk but a nice greeting was always welcome now, though, Sam didn't even give him that much after a while.

Dean watched as the Angel tried to touch his brother and Sam leaned away from him. He knew that Castiel was trying to find out what was going on so he said, "Sam, stop moving and let Cas check you out." Just like that, Sam stopped moving and gave Castiel access to the body he felt he didn't have a right to. Since he was the lowest ranked member of his pack, his body was the alpha's to do with as he wished.

"This will hurt," Castiel warned. Sam didn't acknowledge the statement so Castiel looked up at Dean who nodded his okay. Then, slowly, he put his hand in Sam's chest to find his soul. He knew it must be excruciating but Sam didn't move or make a sound. Usually, the soul is very easy to find since it inhabits the whole body but Sam's soul hid itself and Castiel had to search for it. When he finally found it, the soul cringed and tried to back away from the questing Angel. Castiel frowned at the action since souls had a habit of rushing towards the Heavenly touch. This soul, however, was fearful though fully human and it cowered, submitting without joy. Castiel's frown deepened as he withdrew his hand. Wanting to know why the soul was so fearful, he dove into Sam's mind where all he found was a desolate landscape surrounding a large house full of light and laughter. Curious, the Angel went over to the house and was shocked by what he found.

Instead of Sam being in the house, Castiel found him outside chained up to a barren doghouse. He was very thin, dirty and looked as though he was ready to die. The doghouse was positioned so that he was looking in the large window. Castiel looked in the window himself and saw everyone who had ever been in Sam's life having fun, laughing, eating and, in general, ignoring him. Dean figured very prominently in the crowd and Castiel knew that Sam had made him the central figure of his life. Through the window which started to show Sam's life, Castiel watched as Dean became Sam's parent, always there and protecting him. The window's scene changed and Castiel watched as a young teenaged Sam watch while his father and brother started to leave him alone and form their own subgroup. He saw how it came to a head one day when the two older Winchesters learned how depressed their youngest was and they brought him to Bobby for help. Sam was happier than he had been for a very long time then he told his family about Stanford, thinking that they would be happy for him but John proved him wrong by throwing him out. Castiel's heart went out for the man he called an abomination then. Nobody deserved to be treated like that, he thought.

The next scenes were equally disturbing. Sam meeting Jess and falling in love with her but somehow, he believed, his love had killed her showing him that he was unworthy of a female. Madison was next, the werewolf who, in a very short time, had stolen Sam's heart and broke it soon afterward by her begging him to kill her. Unworthy. The parade of deaths continued in the window, John's death in exchange for Dean's life with the words of warning for his eldest told in no uncertain terms, Mary's death with her eyes accusing her son of causing it just by his birth, Jim Murphy's death, Caleb Reeve's death, Dean's death caused by the deal he had made to keep Sam from resting since he was unworthy of such a mercy.

Ruby started to figure prominently in the window. Castiel watched as she saved Sam's life, giving Sam hope even twisted as it was. He saw how she had actually saved Sam from his self-destructive desire to kill as many demons as he could before they killed him. He watched as Ruby showed Sam kindness and how Sam was desperate enough to lap it up. Castiel began to feel guilty about how the Host had abandoned Sam to what they considered his fate even though he had no choice in the matter. Dean, who had started to become a demon and broke the first seal was actually lauded in Heaven while Sam, who had believed in God for most of his life even after everything that had happened to him was seen as an abomination. No, not just guilty but ashamed at the way he and his brethren had treated this man.

The next scene showed when Dean got back from Hell. Dean's first question to Sam was "What did you do?" The brothers greeted each other with suspicion, Sam because he thought Dean was a shifter and Dean because he thought Sam did something to get him out of Hell. After Castiel's conversation with Dean, his relationship with his brother went downhill from there. Suspicions, accusations, and even beatings served to weigh Sam's soul down until he became desperate for someone who treated him with kindness, even if it was a lie. Castiel heard, for the first time, what Uriel had told Sam that also helped to break the young man. How, when Sam ceased to be of use, Uriel would make him into dust.

Castiel observed how, in Sam's mind, everyone started to shine brightly and he dimmed with every word and action. Dean became bigger than life, holding the Sword of Damocles over his brother. Bobby was now seen as someone who stood behind Dean, supporting him while kicking Sam in the stomach anytime he moved in a way that was different than how Dean wanted him to. Ruby was a female that Sam dared to have sex with and Dean drove her away since he was the only one who had that privilege. Castiel found that Sam was one of those special people who could see his true form which also stood next to Dean, whispering in the Hunter's ear about how Sam was dirt, something to be trodden on. Castiel hung his head and cried for the first time since he was a fledgling. He really hadn't understood what he had done until now. By following orders, he had reduced a very bright soul into one with no hope, no warmth and no love. He wiped his tears away and continued to watch. He needed to know how to help the young man.

There were more scenes of desolation and abandonment to the point that, when Sam went cold turkey from his addiction, were intensified so that Sam now believed he was no more than a worm that crawled in the dirt. Castiel, for the first time, saw the hallucinations that just confirmed Sam's suspicions and cemented them in his mind and heart. Finally, Castiel couldn't stand watching anymore. He turned to give the suffering man a kiss but the man pulled away as the thought, "dirty, no good," was heard through his mind. Castiel left Sam's mind to let the others know what he found. He prayed to his Father that, between the three of them, they could find a way to heal Sam of all the hurts they had inflicted on the young man.

SPNSPNSPNSPNSPN

Dean was concerned about Castiel. After the Angel finished his examination of Sam, he "angel proofed" the bedroom with the slight sigil that allowed only him to enter the room then he took off, looking pale and sad. He told Dean that he needed some time and would be coming back to talk to him and Bobby. That was two days ago and Dean was beginning to worry. This reminded him too much when Castiel had entered a dream he was having and asked him to meet at a warehouse where they found Jimmy but no Castiel. Jimmy was able to tell them that there had been a big fight and the Angel was dragged out of him by others, presumably back to Heaven. When they did end up finding Castiel again, he had reverted back to the stick up his ass Angel he had been when he first appeared to Dean and Bobby after Dean's resurrection.

Before he left, Castiel warned both Dean and Bobby that, even though Sam wasn't responding to anything but Dean's voice, he could still be tricked to go outside of the protected area by thinking that it was Dean's will to take a walk or go with any other Angel. In his current state, Castiel said, Sam was vulnerable to anyone who took on Dean's image and the sound of his voice since, to Sam, Dean was the voice of authority, the one who dictated his every movement. Dean was more than shocked when he heard that. He knew that Sam considered him the alpha of the pack but he really hadn't understood what that meant until Castiel had put it so bluntly. He sagged to think about the weight, the pedestal his brother had put him on but he was at a loss as to how to help Sam. Nothing he could say or do this time would be helpful in trying to get Sam out of the hole he was in. Sam saw everything Dean said as an order to be obeyed no matter how he may have felt about it and that really didn't sit well with the elder. That was the reason for Castiel leaving. He wanted to find a way for the Hunter to help his brother so he went to talk to someone who was a Healer.

Both Dean and Bobby were careful about what they said in front of Sam. They tried to engage the younger man by asking him questions or even his opinions. When it came to the questions, he answered in a very quiet voice but when it came to his opinions, Sam would just shrug his shoulders. As the lowest member of the pack, he rightly didn't have any opinion, likes or dislikes. It wasn't for the good of the pack that he did. That lesson had been "impressed" upon him by the current alpha so much that it actually hurt to think for himself.

The older Hunters were also very careful about keeping Sam in their sight and in the house where the Angel and Demon proofing were the best. Bobby suggested that one of them stay near Sam at all times to show that he was indeed not the lowest man on the totem pole but a valued member of their family. That backfired with a vengeance but the other two didn't know it. Sam, seeing that a high status member was near him all the time just reinforced his belief of his own status. The others didn't trust him to not screw up so they guarded him and kept a weathered eye on him. Sam accepted that fact as part of his life since he had screwed up so badly before. Echoes of Not-Dean and Not-Bobby screamed those accusations in his head and he believed them.

Things came to a head a few days after Castiel's revelation. Bobby was called away by another Hunter needing some information that couldn't be given over the phone while Dean worked on a car that came in for an overhaul. Dean had put Sam in the reinforced bedroom with orders not to move out of there. Sam just nodded and sat on the bed with his feet squarely on the floor, his hands resting on his lap and his head down with his eyes on the floor. It bothered Dean to see his brother so pliant and quiet but, at that moment, there was nothing he could do short of sending Sam to a mental institution which he absolutely refused to do.

What he didn't know was that Zachariah had kept Sam beaten down by sending memories and pictures of Not-Dean and Not-Bobby into Sam's head, into his mind.

"You're a monster Sam, a vampire. If I didn't know you I would hunt you," Not-Dean told the tormented young man.

"No, Dean, please. Don't say that," Sam moaned.

Not-Bobby walked up behind Not-Dean and said, "You tried to kill me once, boy. I can't trust you anymore, especially since you drink demon blood. Makes you demon in my book."

"Bobby, no, not you too. It wasn't me, I was possessed by Meg," Sam tried to explain.

"No excuses, boy! You did it just like you ran after Dean died. You left me, abandoned me to my grief to hook up with a demon and drink her blood. You are just as bad if not more so than the monsters we kill," Not-Bobby shouted. "Leave my house and never come back!"

Not-Dean backed up Not-Bobby, "Yeah, _Sammy_. Leave, you are not family, not my brother anymore. I'll give you a day's head start before I come after you. I'm going to send you to Hell where you belong, just like Dad said." Sam nodded and got up from the bed. He hastily packed his duffel then made his way down the stairs. Quietly he opened the door and walked out.

He was so quiet that Dean, who was working in the shed, didn't even hear him go. Tears streamed down Sam's face as he watched his brother for a few minutes then he turned away and walked down the driveway. When he stepped off the property, Ruby was there, waiting for him with a car that had the nurse in the trunk. She smirked as she noted his defeated posture then opened the door, "Get in," she said. Sam obeyed. Ruby knew that time was short so she turned the vehicle towards her goal and floored it. She had only twenty-four hours since time was very short.

As Ruby drove away with Sam, Dean was straightening up from the engine he was working on. Wiping his greasy hands on the rag he kept near him, he turned in time to see Zachariah touching his head. The next thing he knew, he was cleaned up and in a beautiful room with a large table filled with burgers and beer. He barely heard a word the Angel was saying since his ears were filled with the sound of his own wrath.

When Zachariah had finished his gloating over his acquiring Sam and how Dean would become Michael's vessel to bring about Paradise on Earth by killing his brother, he turned to leave only to run into the youngest Angel. Castiel's eyes were filled with the same fire as Dean's but he had something more, an Angelic sword designed to kill Angels. "The second you touched them, you were doomed," he snarled as he rammed the sword home into Zachariah's heart. Jerking his sword out of the vessel, Castiel turned away from the dying Zachariah and went to Dean. Touching Dean, he got them both out of the room and back to Bobby's where the Impala was waiting, already packed.

Both "men" got into the car and Dean turned the ignition. Listening to the engine roar into life, Dean turned to his companion for an explanation. "Zachariah had been working with the demon, Ruby, to prepare your brother. He wanted Sam to break the final seal, to kill Lilith in a designated place. I don't know where that is but the Prophet does." With that, Castiel transported car and passengers to Chuck's house. Both got out and ran to the door for answers.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

The young male didn't like where he was, away from his alpha and in the midst of three females, one of which was the female his alpha had tried to drive away many times. The male curled into a corner, praying that his alpha wouldn't drive him away again when he was found with the females. The small, brown haired one had tried to get him to drink from another female but, adhering to his alpha's wishes, the male turned away from the offering. He didn't have to listen to her since she wasn't of his pack so he made himself deaf to her pleas.

The ranking female in the room, a tall blonde, wasn't happy with him either but again, too bad. None of those in the building were of his pack. Even though he was in another pack's territory, he didn't have to obey their alpha. He had been brought into their territory, it was true, but he still was subject to their alpha's punishment for trespassing. The young male just prayed that it wouldn't be too painful.

Ruby was getting very frustrated. Not only was Sam not looking at her or responding, he had flatly refused to even consider drinking the demon blood in the nurse. Lilith was impatient. She really didn't want to die but she also knew that it was her destiny to be the last seal on her master's Cage. She had loved Lucifer before his fall and was cursed never to see him again. It was part of their punishments for their actions. Lucifer had corrupted her but she still had a chance to turn away from him and she didn't. Instead, she embraced the Fallen Angel, turning away from the first man.

If Sam didn't drink, she knew, there would be no way they could inject enough of the blood into him to make him powerful enough to kill her. That was…unsettling. Lilith thought for a moment the hit on a plan. Turning away from the young hunter, she changed her appearance to that of Dean then she turned back.

"Sam," she said in Dean's voice. Sam looked up then back down to the floor. "I want you to drink the blood Ruby is offering." Sam didn't do anything. "Sam! Do it now!" Sam just sat on the floor, looking down. Lilith knew her disguise was perfect, down to the last cell but she didn't realize that since Sam was operating at an animalistic level, he could see her true form. Even if he couldn't, the scent was off on the "Dean" in front of him.

Lilith had never been accused of being patient. She stomped over to the young Hunter and picked him up. She threw him near the nurse who had been cut by Ruby. The scent of the blood wafted into Sam's nose but he still turned away. His alpha told him no, no more blood, no more powers, no more females. Screeching, the three females converged on him and began to beat him bloody. As he was beaten, Sam started to mumble under his breath.

Ruby was the first one to feel the effects of Sam's ramblings. The demon felt the powerful pull of the exorcism and tried to fight it but she couldn't hold on. She left the corpse of the girl she had inhabited and was thrown back into Hell. The nurse was the next one. She struggled harder but Sam was persistent. Finally, after a powerful fight to stay, the demon was torn from the nurse and also thrown back into Hell. Lilith didn't stop to wonder what was going on. She reached down and grabbed Sam by his throat to stop the exorcism. She had forgotten she needed to stay by the alter as she slammed Sam again and again into the wall to stop him from trying to exorcize her.

Lilith was so intent on stopping Sam that she didn't hear the fighting going on in the hallway. She didn't notice Dean and Castiel rushing into the room until it was too late. She felt a piercing pain in her back and turned around only to have the Angel put his hand on her head. She lit up with red and white lights as she died. When the body started to fall, Dean pulled the Angelic sword out of her back. Thrusting the sword into Castiel's hand, he rushed to his brother and was appalled at the damage. Sam, bleeding, bruised and battered, kept whispering the exorcism until he felt friendly hands on him. He couldn't open his eyes since they were swollen shut but he could smell his alpha's scent and he stopped his chant. "Sorry," he whispered before he let the blackness, which had been threatening him, take him away from all his pain and sorrow.

Castiel wished he could turn from the scene in front of him but he couldn't. Sam had bruises, deep cuts, contusions and broken bones from the three demons' anger. It was too much for him to even begin to heal so he knelt by both Winchesters and, putting his hand on their shoulders, transported them to a hospital. Then he went back for Dean's car and also went to get Bobby.

SPNSPNSPNSPNSPN

Dean watched his baby brother, his reason for living, struggle to survive. The doctors told him that Sam had swelling on the brain, internal injuries, broken ribs, broken legs, a broken arm and bruising done to the kidneys, liver and lungs. He had coded twice in the emergency room and three more times in surgery. The doctors told Dean that it was a miracle that the young man was even alive but they didn't hold much hope for him ever regaining consciousness and if he did, there was still the possibility for brain damage. Every injury to Sam felt like a nail had gone into Dean. The surgeons and doctors all waived the visiting hour limitations for the older hunter so now he sat, watching as machines breathed for Sam and cleaned his blood.

Sam was hooked up to a ventilator, IVs, pulse/ox machine, dialysis machine and an EKG machine. Nurses came in every half hour to take readings and vitals from the unconscious man. Even CT scans were scheduled to see if the swelling in Sam's brain was going down. Frankly, Sam looked like Mary Shelley's Frankenstein's monster with all the stuff hooked up to him.

Monster.

Freak.

Two very nasty words that Dean had used sometimes in the past year to describe his brother's actions, but never his brother. Sam had always been the best thing in his life, something to cherish, to love and to protect but it wasn't enough. Looking at his brother suffering, Dean wondered if he had done the right thing in Cold Oak. He wondered if he should have left Sam dead instead of making the deal to save his life. At those thoughts, Dean felt dirty, guilty and ashamed of himself. He started to cry.

Sam was the one always accused of being soft but, inside Dean there was a core of sentiment that he rarely brought out. His father trained him that feelings, especially for people, were something less than desirable in Hunters, made them weak. Dean took those teachings to heart but Sam, ever the rebellious one, wore his heart on his sleeve and was stronger than Dean would ever be, as far as he was concerned. Sure, Sam's heart was broken many times and by his own family, but the wealth of love in the young man put Dean to shame in so many ways. Especially now, with Sam broken as badly as he was.

Dean stiffened his shoulders, it was time to repair what he had broken. While the doctors worked on Sam's physical health, Dean went to work on his mental health. Dean started to talk to Sam, first apologizing for everything he had ever done to his brother, including the time he put Nair in Sam's shampoo. He told Sam about his own feelings and hurts while remembering not to blame his brother. Dean told Sam that he deeply and violently wanted Sam by his side, as equals not as one superior and one inferior. Together, they were very strong while apart, they were vulnerable. Dean praised his brother for his quick thinking in the chapel and told him that he didn't know if he would have even thought of doing an exorcism while being in so much pain. Dean said that he would have surrendered and drank the blood just to stop the pain, just like he had done in Hell to get off of Alastair's rack.

Dean also talked about what happened to Castiel. While they were in the waiting room, waiting (of course) for one of the doctors to come out and tell them about Sam, the Angel let Dean know what had occurred. Zachariah, knowing how the Guardian felt about his charges, had laid a trap for him. It took him a while to be able to climb out and go straight to the Salvage Yard where he met up with Bobby. The older hunter had been spitting mad when he found out he had been sent on a wild goose chase. After Castiel found out that neither Winchester was on the property, he did some Angel mojo (Castiel didn't go into it and Dean really couldn't describe the ritual if he tried anyway) and found out that Zachariah was behind the disappearances. Sam, he knew, had been delivered to Ruby while the Angel had taken Dean to what he called the "green room" so he would have to wait out Sam's breaking of the last seal by killing Lilith.

Zachariah had forgotten about the bond that was between Dean and Castiel. The Guardian had used the beacon that the bond created to find one of his charges. He was extremely angry when he finally got there and he killed Zachariah with one stroke. He brought Dean to the Impala which he then transported to the Prophet's house. When they found out where Sam was being kept, Castiel once again transported the car and man to Sam's location where they found a convent full of demons. Castiel went on what Dean could only describe as a rampage, once again showing why it was not a good idea to get between a Guardian and his charge. Between the enraged Angel and the furious brother, they painted a bloody swath down the hall leading to the chapel.

Of course, the door was barred against the rescuers. It didn't take much for Castiel to knock down the door and they had gained entry to the room. They were astounded to find two vessels on the floor, one alive but unconscious and the other decomposing. What really shocked them was the fact that Sam was struggling against Lilith, whispering an exorcism while she was killing him. The Angel and brother flew towards the pair where Dean stabbed Lilith in the back with Castiel's sword. When she turned around, dying and ready to kill the upstart human, Castiel killed her using his Angel mojo by putting his hand on her head and burning her out of her vessel.

Dean told the comatose Sam how Castiel was frantic when he saw the condition the young man was in. He couldn't heal Sam but was able to stabilize him enough to get him to the hospital. The Angel had been coming to see Sam ever since, Dean reported.

"I wish you could see yourself the way we see you. You are the most important person in our lives, didn't you know that? No matter what you did or what was done to you, you are the most pure thing in this crazy world and I don't want to give that up or have it sullied. I admit that I've been overprotective of you, trying to wrap you in cotton but Cas says it's because I raised you from a very young age. I was your big brother, your mother and your father from the age of four so you'll need to forgive me if I act like a grizzly bear with cubs," Dean said with a self-deprecating chuckle. The slight chuckle morphed into a laugh which increased until Dean was crying his own hurt out. Tears poured down his face as he clenched his brother's unresponsive hand.

SPNSPNSPNSPNSPN

When Sam had been in the coma for a month, the doctors tried to talk Dean into turning the machines off and letting his brother go peacefully but Dean couldn't do it. His heart hurt badly every time a doctor brought the subject up. Finally, Dean had enough and, with Bobby's help and Castiel's ability to "acquire" the needed machines, he moved his brother from the Maryland hospital to Bobby's house. Bobby had a friend who was a doctor that knew about the supernatural world. This man came out to set Sam up and train the others in how to take care of him down to physical therapy to keep his muscles from atrophying.

Dean kept vigil next to Sam's bed unless Bobby or Castiel managed to pull him away for a few minutes of much needed rest. It was very hard to do since Sam was responding a bit to the sound of his voice and the touch of his hand. The doctor explained that coma patients would sometimes do that but the big tell to Sam's emerging out of it would be when he responded to stimuli such as pain or cold. The doctor said it could be something as simple as goosebumps or even a slight change in his expression. Sam's eyes were also opening and closing, something that at first gave everyone hope he was coming out of it until the doctor, doing some tests, found that Sam's eyes stayed fixed on one spot no matter where the doctor moved his head. Dean thought that his brother could use some stimulation came up with the idea to put a mobile on the ceiling along with other brightly colored pictures. Castiel also came up with some visual stimuli for Sam to focus on when he came out of it.

At the three month mark, Dean's hope began to flag but, like all Winchesters, he was stubborn and said that Sam was strong, he would wake up. Dean began to play music that his brother had liked, even though he said that it was too girly for his own tastes. Bobby also tried to stimulate Sam's senses with incense and other fragrant scents. For the first time since his wife had died, Bobby was bringing in bouquets of roses, lilacs, lilies of the valley and other sweet smelling flowers. Seeing what his charges were doing, Castiel also got in on the act. He began to give Sam physical stimuli such as letting his wing feathers caress the comatose man. He also found some oils that had unique tastes which he would put on Sam's lips and on his tongue. One time, when the others were out of the house, Castiel manifested his lute and played some songs while singing in Enochian.

The other thing he had done, which actually got him in trouble, was to apologize to Sam for the way the Host had treated him. Castiel said that a man as devout as Sam should never have been shunned by the Angels. His faith, he was told, was greater than many of the Angels. Michael was upset that Castiel had apologized to a mere human and was very close to grounding the young Angel when Gabriel showed up for the first time in centuries. Gabriel backed Castiel up saying that he too had something to apologize to Sam about though he had only been trying to help the young Hunter. It was his tricks on Dean that helped to break Sam and, for that, he felt a deep sorrow and shame. Michael was taken aback by what his brother said. He thought about what had happened to Sam from the start, knowing that he was never at fault for what had gone on in his life.

Shame spread throughout the Host and gifts of contrition started to appear in Bobby's Yard. Because Anna had been a friend of the Winchesters, Michael spread the word that she was forgiven and then assigned, with Castiel, to protect the three Hunters. Raphael had been upset that his brother, Lucifer, wasn't set free. He argued that the two Vessels were supposed to play their parts but because they didn't they should be punished. Michael told Raphael to leave it be, Sam had made his choice to send the demons back to Hell using an exorcism instead of his demon powers. Even broken, Michael said, Sam still had free will. He could have drank the blood and killed Lilith but he didn't and that was to be respected. Raphael grudgingly accepted his brother's explanation though he refused to help the young man. Michael bowed to his brother's free will and sent another Angel, Balthazar, to help out.

When Sam started to show signs of responding to negative stimuli, it was so slight that Dean had almost missed it. Dean had been cleaning the room and accidently knocked over one of the many vases that now graced their room. The cold water landed on the bed and seeped into the covers that were over his brother. By the time Dean had started to get the covers off Sam, the cold water had soaked him. A slight widening of the eyes was all the sign that the comatose man gave to show his distress. Dean, taking the covers off his brother almost missed it but he looked at his brother's face at the right time and smiled. A tiny bitchface now graced his brother. "Atta boy, Sammy, I knew you could do it," Dean said with a grin as he changed the bedding and his brother's wet clothes.

Sam continued to respond to stimuli after that in small ways: goosebumps when he was cold, a flinch from pain, sweat when too hot. Dean hardly left his brother's side as Sam continued to improve. After two weeks of this, Sam finally woke up. It was very early in the morning and Dean was asleep at the time, having spent most of the night up watching Sam. At first, he didn't know where he was. Nothing seemed familiar except for the paint on the walls and ceiling. Even the bed was softer than he remembered. Hearing the familiar sound of his brother breathing next to him, Sam turned his head and a very small smile graced his face as he watched his brother sleep. After a few minutes of this, he felt the tug of sleep himself. He wasn't strong enough to struggle against the tug so he closed his eyes and slept.

When Dean woke up, his eyes automatically went to his brother and he frowned. Sam was facing him, a position he knew neither he nor anyone else had put his brother in. Then he noticed the small smile still on Sam's face and he jumped up in excitement. Quietly, he left the room and after he closed the door, he ran to Bobby's room with the news.

"Bobby! Wake up! Sammy was awake this morning!" Dean whisper-shouted.

After a couple of minutes, with many grumblings and one crash, Bobby opened the door and asked, "What?"

_Yep, I made Cas a Guardian Angel. It really makes sense if you think about it. Why would Heaven assign a Warrior to protect a human when a Guardian would be even more protective of his charges? Hmmmm. All of the medical information was gotten off the Internet. It was very interesting to read the information about the eyes and how, if a person was comatose, the eyes would stay fixed on one point, even if the head was moved. I used the medical information for the story, probably a bit inaccurately though. More than likely..._


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Between the doctor and Castiel, Dean was happier than he had been ever since he had picked his brother up from Stanford to hunt for their father. Even before that to the time when Sam was eight and still an innocent. The doctor warned Dean and Bobby that Sam would be very tired and would sleep a lot until he got stronger. Castiel told Dean that he could sense that Sam's soul was not hiding anymore but inhabited the whole vessel. It wasn't until Sam was staying awake longer that Dean noticed a big difference in his brother.

The first sign that there was something wrong with Sam was that when asked what he wanted for breakfast, he said, "Charms!" As an adult, Sam only ate fruit or something as equally healthy for breakfast, not the sugary, sweet cereal that he had grown up with. His choice for lunch was Spagettios. When Dean heard that, he freaked and practically yelled at Castiel to "get his feathery ass down here and find out what's wrong with my brother!" Dean heard a noise in the doorway of the library where he was and he saw his baby brother, all 6'4" of him crying and looking scared. Dean hurried over to his brother and was immediately latched onto. He was able to maneuver them into the living room and onto the couch by the time Castiel appeared. Above Sam's sobs, Dean explained his worry and asked Castiel to check it out. The Angel was concerned and put his hand on Sam's head.

He found that Sam's mindscape had changed for the better. Instead of a dreary place with a lit house, he found a beautiful meadow…and an eight year old boy who looked like Sam with the brown, floppy hair and hazel eyes. There was a smile on his face that the Angel had never seen before, one that showed innocence and total happiness.

"Cas!" the child yelled and ran to the Angel to latch onto him in a hug.

"Samuel?" Castiel asked confused.

"Sam! Not Samuel," the child answered.

"Okay Sam. Can you tell me what happened?" Castiel wanted to know.

The child nodded but then held up a ball. "Play catch with me?"

"I don't know how," the Angel confessed.

"It's easy, I'll teach you," the child replied. Sam spent the next few minutes telling Castiel how to play then they started to toss the ball to each other. Another couple of minutes passed before Sam started to speak, "He asked me what I wanted and I said I wanted to be happy."

"Who, Samu…er Sam, who asked you what you wanted?" Castiel asked as he tossed the ball back to the child.

"Um…he's like you but has more wings. He has long brown hair and brown eyes," the child tried to describe. "He asked me when I was happy and I said before I asked Dean about Dad's real job so he said okay and here I am."

"Did he say how long you would be like this?" Castiel asked quietly. The description sounded like Raphael but it really didn't make any sense since the Archangel had made his feelings on the whole thing quite clear.

"Said that since I got hurt bad I would never be the same as I had been. Said that I was innocent now and he wanted to give me a gift, one that would last forever so I would never be hurt like that again," Sam was equally quiet. Then he asked anxiously, "Did I do wrong? Will Dean hate me for my choice?"

Castiel put the ball down and went to the child. Picking him up, he looked in the child's eyes and said, "I'll make sure he understands that you did nothing wrong. He won't hate you, child. He loves you very much and, if this makes you happy, then it will make him happy. He will just have to get used to it."

Sam snuggled into Castiel's shoulder and said sleepily, "Thanks Cas."

"I just have one more question Sam and I need you to answer it." Castiel felt the little boy nod and he asked the question that had been on his mind, "Have you always been able to see my true form?"

"Yeah," Sam yawned. "Pretty wings."

"Thank you. Why didn't you tell Dean that you could see me?" Castiel wondered. He was astounded at the answer. It was so Sam.

"I didn't want him to feel bad cuz he couldn't."

The Angel stood and held the child until he slept. Then, laying Sam gently on the ground, he left the mind to talk to Dean.

When Castiel pulled his hand from Sam's head, he saw that the man was sleeping against his brother's chest. Smiling at the sight, he carded his fingers through the brown hair and marveled at the feel. Eight year old Sam wouldn't mind him doing this but the much older Sam would have pulled away, even in his sleep. He looked up to see Dean staring at him with questions in his eyes. "We had a talk, Sam and I. He told me what was going on," Castiel said.

"What happened, Cas? Why is he like this? Is it brain damage like the doctor thought?" Dean asked.

Castiel paused to organize his thoughts then he began, "Sam was given a gift. One that extends to you but you need to know that he's worried that you would be mad at him since he had been asked what he wanted. I told him that it may take you a bit to understand but you could never be mad." Dean nodded and Castiel continued, "I believe that Raphael had healed Sam so he could wake up from his coma but he also wanted to give Sam something special. He asked Sam what he wanted and he told my brother that he wanted to be happy. Raphael then asked Sam when he was happy, truly happy. Sam's answer was when he was eight so that is where Sam is mentally and emotionally."

Dean's eyes filled with tears, "He couldn't heal Sam so he was the same age as he was a couple of months ago? Why, Cas, why?"

Castiel reached up to cup Dean's face. Then he reached for Sam's head. Concentrating, he brought Dean into Sam's mindscape. This time, instead of the meadow, they found the young boy sitting on a log by a stream. Dean recognized the area as one he had taken his baby brother to fish when they were both young. The stream wasn't too far from Bobby's place so John was okay with the two of them walking there and back. He noticed that he was carrying three fishing poles in his hand while Castiel had some bait and tackle.

Like some novice, Dean stepped on a stick and the crack seemed loud. Sam turned around and, seeing who was there, smiled largely. "Dean! Cas! You came to fish with me?" He asked as he ran towards the pair.

"Su-sure Sammy. We're going to fish with you. See, I got the poles and Cas brought everything else," Dean responded. Sam beamed and, tugging both men, he brought them to the spot where they first saw him. At Sam's insistence, the three of them took the time to hook and bait their poles then throw the lines in the stream.

They fished in companionable silence for a while then Sam began to speak, "Dean, I told you how I found Dad's journal, didn't I? Found out about the monsters he hunted?"

Dean touched his Amulet that Sam had given him for Christmas when Sam was eight, "Yeah, why?"

"Um, I got something to tell you but I don't want you to get mad," Sam said with his head hanging down.

"Sammy, I promise I won't get mad," Dean responded putting a hand on his brother's shoulder.

"I didn't tell you when exactly that I read his journal," Sam confessed.

Dean looked confusedly at his baby brother then asked, "When did you read it, Sammy?"

"Um, I was…I was four when I read it," Sam said in a very low voice.

"Four! Why? I mean I knew you could read, I was the one who taught you but why did you pick Dad's journal up in the first place?" Dean was a bit ticked off but when Sam started to flinch away from him, he reigned in his anger.

"Sam, what led you to read your father's journal?" Castiel asked the small boy with a warning in his eyes for Dean. Dean just nodded, ashamed of his outburst.

"I remember Daddy getting mad at Dean for leaving our room cuz he wanted to have fun. After…after he got done yelling at Dean, he wrote something in his book and I knew it had to do with why he was so mad. I wanted to find out but I knew nobody would tell me anything so I waited until Daddy was asleep and I got up and read it," was the confessed answer.

Dean cleared his throat, "All of it?"

Sam nodded, "Yeah, all of it. I found out that monsters were real and you guys were keeping me safe. Dean, I don't blame you for that witch-thingy. You were eight and you deserved to have some fun in your life, not just hanging around a baby like me. Daddy should have stayed with us if he was that worried." Dean was shocked to find out that his then four year old brother had forgiven him for almost letting him get killed, then blamed their father for letting it happen. The rest of what Sam had to say left him reeling. "Since then, anytime we stopped at Pastor Jim's or Uncle Bobby's, I'd wait until everyone was asleep and go down to the books to read. Pastor Jim found me sleeping with a book once and thought I had been looking at the pictures. He talked to me about not doing it again, saying that the pictures would give me nightmares but I just got more careful, made sure if I got tired I went to bed. Dad kept leaving his journal in easy places to find so I kept up with them until I asked you at Christmas about the monsters."

"Aw Sammy, why didn't you tell me this before?" Dean asked carefully so as to not upset the little boy.

"Heard you and Daddy arguing once. He wanted to tell me about the monsters but you kept saying I was too young, that I should be a kid for a little while longer. I wanted you to be happy so I didn't tell you that I already knew. Did I do wrong?" Sam asked with tears in his eyes.

Dean put his pole down and stooped to wipe the tears out of Sam's eyes, "No kiddo, you didn't. Thank you, baby boy for giving me that. For letting me raise you like I wanted to for at least a little while."

"Dean, do you hate me for everything I did? For Ruby? For the demon blood?" the child asked hesitantly.

"I hate that you felt you had to do that but I could never hate you. Just like I don't hate your choice with Raphael," Dean answered honestly and sincerely. He was rewarded with a hard hug and a huge smile. It warmed Dean to realize that he did the right thing with Sam.

Castiel smiled at the healing that was being done. Then he said, "Sam, we need to go but we will always be with you. Do you understand?"

"Yeah, you need to leave me in my mind so you can go to the real world," Sam's answer shocked the living daylights out of Dean.

"That is right. We will see you in a few seconds," the Angel replied. Before Dean knew it, he was back on Bobby's couch, holding his brother as Castiel backed away from them. "Do you understand now, Dean? Raphael gave your brother back his happiness and innocence by mentally and emotionally de-aging him. Sam, though, will always be able to help with research, if that is what you want. He is not naïve and does know about the existence of the supernatural world. He has his memories but none of the feelings of hopelessness he had before. It is a great gift."

Dean hugged his baby brother close and closed his eyes, "I know, Cas. I know. Thank you all for everything you have done for us. Will you be around anymore?"

"I am your Guardian and Sam's. I will be here for the two of you, always and forever. I promise," Castiel said gravely.

Epilogue

It had been six months since the revelation that Sam was a perpetual eight year old and Dean found he was okay with that. Sam, at eight, was smarter than most adults that Dean knew. He was able to help research and could still read at a college level. His grasp of other languages was scary but Castiel assured Dean that most children were able to be multi-lingual if taught at a very young age. Still, it was a shock when Dean would come downstairs to find his large baby brother watching cartoons or playing with toys as if every adult did it. He had Dean playing again and it made Bobby laugh whenever he saw the two grown men playing tag or statues. It healed his own wounded heart at what happened with Sam.

Dean decided, soon after his trip through Sam's head, that he would give up Hunting to be with his brother. At first, he craved the Hunt like a drug addict craved the next hit but the cravings gradually wore off as his life became more Sam-centric and less of killing things. Bobby gave him a job and, after a couple of months, he was able to afford an apartment but Bobby became incensed by the thought of the boys moving out so Dean scrapped the idea in favor of peace in the family.

Castiel stayed with the family saying that Michael assigned him permanently to the Winchester/Singer household. When Sam heard that, he cheered and said thank you to Michael in a very, very loud voice. Dean found that Sam could see Castiel's true form and the Angel, to keep Sam's secret, fudged the truth saying that innocent could see Angels. He, like Sam, didn't want to hurt Dean's feelings.

Between Castiel, Dean and Bobby, Sam was never made to feel as though he was the lowest ranking pack member. No longer was he the low man on the Totem Pole. No, he was Sam Winchester, a valued and much loved member of their family.

_It made sense that Raphael would have changed his mind but never said a word about healing Sam after he refused his brother's request. _


End file.
